For the past week or so my body has been under attack by a really powerful, very severe, super-duper, humdinger of a winter cold. At least that’s how it has felt to me. I know it sounds wimpy for a big, strapping, virile guy like me, (sure) to be complaining about having a cold, but this one has been a doozy and would likely have killed a lesser man. Also, I’m not afraid to whine a bit when it seems appropriate. This last week has made whining seem very appropriate, so, here I go.
It’s just been pretty awful. The first night of the cold I couldn’t sleep because whenever I would lie down I would begin to cough, and cough, and cough, and usually wake my wife up in the process. So, that entire first night of my cold I was quite awake. I saw the rising sun come up over the Green Mountains from a recliner in our living room. (Have you ever tried to really sleep in a recliner? It’s pure torture, at least it was for me.) I did doze a bit after that sunrise and awoke amid a pile of cough drop wrappers, juice cans, and used tissues. It was all very lovely.
The following night I expected to sleep, from pure exhaustion if nothing else, but did not. Again, I coughed and coughed in bed until I (and my wife) couldn’t stand it anymore and I went again to the recliner for the night. This act was better than waiting for Lorna to succumb to the urge to put me out of my misery. Or, at least I think it was better.
This beautiful scenario repeated itself for at least two more nights, (Remember the movie Groundhog Day?) so I basically missed four nights of sleep in a row. This tends to give one a truly rosy disposition and does little to cure a cold. I did try to control my complaining about my misery, saving some of it up for this column. And aren’t you glad I did?
I’m pretty much convinced that the old common cold is just completely uncurable and probably always will be. I do think I did all the right things people tell you to do to try to get rid of one. None of those things did. I sucked on cough drops, bags of them, which did not stop the coughing and probably raised my sugar level. I got a lot of rest… at least I tried to do that. I drank lots of liquids which succeeded in making me get out of bed or off the recliner to pee many times each night, which gave me something to do, I guess, as I was awake anyway. I drank cough suppressants as nightcaps, swallowed cough syrup, and popped nighttime cold gel caps, all to no avail.
If you haven’t guessed already, my adventure into the land of the walking dead (also known as experiencing a severe winter cold) was pretty miserable. Still, today the sun is out, the cough seems to be subsiding, and I did sleep last night. Also, now that you’ve already read all of this, it’s probably stupid to whine about something as simple as a cold. It just didn’t seem so simple at the time. Thanks for listening.