September 18th, 2019


Reiss’s Pieces

By Judy Reiss
I am not going to talk about the crazy weather, although I would really like to. It was bad enough in the winter when it was cold and we had gob of snow, but right now, this summer, the 90s is just too hot, at least, for me.

Nope, what I want to talk about and get your opinion about is toilet paper! Now I am sure that there are many of you who are wondering why a grown woman of 76 would be obsessing about such a strange topic. Well, the answer is I have gone to several restaurants and stores that have public facilities and I never let one go. My mother always told me to be sure and use any and all restrooms when they are available because you just never know! And I have found that very good advice, but what I have also found is that regardless of how beautifully decorated nor how clean the restroom is, the one thing that is never taken into consideration is the type or quality of toilet paper available.

Yesterday, I was invited to have lunch with a good friend at a bakery/restaurant. Oh my, the baked goods were out of this world and we sat and chatted for almost 2 hours. Of course, during that wonderful time I had to use the restroom, and I did. But what appalled me was the toilet paper. It was so narrow that you could hardly hold it in your hand, and if that wasn’t bad enough, it was so thin you could probably read through it! So, of course, instead of using a few sheets in order to make it work, I had to use a giant bunch of snarelled paper! When you have that much paper in your hand, of course it works but what is the reason to have to use about half a roll? Well, you know the reason.

It would seem to me that if you were the owner of a public restroom you might consider this, the cheap, flimsy paper might cost less originally, but if the customer has to use reams of paper, the cost automatically must go up. Now if you offered your customers toilet tissue that was a normal width and one that is sort of fluffy and two-ply, the customer would be much happier and the cost would ultimately be less. Am I right?

Now I know that men probably don’t even know what I a talking about. Even if they have to use the restroom for more than a quickie, I don’t think that they think much about the paper they are using. I think that strips of newspaper would probably be just as user-friendly for a man. Remember the old outhouses? Many had toilet tissue available but many had the Sears catalog instead. Not great for women but most men found it just fine. In fact, I think that if Sears still sent each household a big thick catalogue every year, the toilet paper industry would be a lot smaller than it is.

Once I got into really thinking about toilet tissue/paper, I have decided that the expensive kind is really a lot more cost effective. I know in our house, when my children were growing up, one of my girls used reams of paper every single time she used the bathroom. I don’t remember noticing it but Malcolm sure did and it made him crazy. He was sure her use of the paper was going to put us all in the poorhouse! But I also don’t remember him getting rid of the inexpensive type and getting the good stuff, either. I do wonder, now that she has a husband, children and house of her own, what does she use toilet tissue wise!

Now if you think that I am just making this up to fill up a page, next time you use a public restroom, check it out. And if you happen to think that cheap is more cost-effective in your own home, check that out, too.
And just a little thought for all those women who are either as old as I am or creeping up to those bigger numbers, think about this. Why should we, who have worked our whole lives, have to use crappy toilet tissue? Buy yourself a roll of the good stuff and keep it hidden just for you to use. Believe me, you will be shocked at how nice it is. And why shouldn’t we have this little treat whenever we want to? It isn’t like we are asking for jewels or unlimited credit cards. Nope, we are only asking for a brief moment of inexpensive comfort. And if your husband (or even your children) complains about the expense, give them each a catalogue of their own!

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