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September 23rd, 2019

 

Impossible Whopper

The Beginning of the End of Factory Farms

We wonder how intelligent, civilized people could live that way, tolerating and profiting from exploitation and evil.

We look back at America before the 13th Amendment with shame and confusion.

Not too far in the future, that’s exactly how our descendants will look at us and the era of Factory Farms.

The few people who try to defend Factory Farms cite the biblical precedent of godly humans dominating the beasts of the earth and owning animals as a matter of course.

And indeed that IS a splendid defense of animal husbandry. I have no problem with people owning animals. My sister has chickens and ducks in her backyard and they lead decent lives. They have a place to roam. They get meal worm treats. They get love and cuddles if they want.

Factory Farms take something wholesome and spin it into a tortuous abomination. Factory Farm animals don’t get a name or love or a moment of consideration as to their comfort or dignity.

When I am considering buying something with meat because it is quick and cheap, I imagine that St. Peter were a pig or cow. That puts things in perspective for me. It reminds me that the food I was about to buy is clearly not worth the moral cost. I doubt St. Peter is actually a cow. But he may well be a pescatarian, and I know that he agrees that buying Factory produced meat isn’t morally defensible.

The obvious cruelty of Factory Farms will not be their undoing, however. Environmentalism will ultimately save the day. Eventually, a sincere Green Party will take power in the United States and it will ban Factory Farms due to their environmental impact.

Mass-produced meat is an inefficient use of arable land and fresh water. That is the ultimate fact that will doom Factory Farms to the dust bin of history where they belong.

As an animal rights supporter, I have mixed feelings about this. It is like environmentalists oppose another Holocaust…but only because my dead body would pollute a river.

Hey, I’m so glad you are on my side. We need all the allies we can get. But – yikes – we believe in our cause for very different reasons.

That brings me to the Impossible Whopper. No matter how bad the meat industry is for the planet, people are only going to let the environmentalists ban Factory Farms when science has come up with a decent fake meat. And, happily, that day has come.

I have eaten a few Impossible Whoppers. And I can report that they are perfectly fine. They are edible and mediocre – just like any other burger.

That’s the absurd tragedy of Factory Farms. Hundreds of millions of animals are being tortured so we can eat boring food that is not particularly tasty or nourishing.

If a master chef wants to serve her award-winning filet mignon, she should still do it. She just needs to have a little farm behind her restaurant with a few pet cows. As for McDonald’s, it could switch from mediocre Big Macs to mediocre veggie Big Macs and we practically wouldn’t know the difference.

But history would know the difference.

Lincoln, Grant, and the Union soldiers are remembered as heroes to this day because they sacrificed to defend those who couldn’t defend themselves. Someday, those who work to eliminate Factory Farms will be remembered as the greatest heroes of the mid-21st Century.

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