October 22nd, 2016

Reiss’s Pieces

By Judy Reiss
I want to think that when someone reaches my age, it should mean a smooth and easy daily life. Well, although I hate to actually tell you how wrong that scenario is, I do want to share with you the last five days of my life. And please note, that every single word is true! Believe it or not.

Well I am not sure if it was actually Wednesday but it could have been. I woke up and my back and legs were just awful! The pain was so bad that I really couldn’t figure out how to do all the things I thought I needed to do. But my friend Birgit was still with me and I knew that my buddy Cloe would be coming to pick us up to go for coffee and chatter, so even I knew that I had to try and act as pain-free as I could. No one wants to have a good time with someone else who was whining regardless of their pain. So we went down and met with the other Grandmamafia ladies and I began to forget about my pain and I had a terrific time. Well, my error was that I actually thought about how lucky I was to be able to meet with this groupÉmentioning it or thinking about it is actually the kiss of death.

I don’t know where I was or how it happened, but out of the blue I think, my front tooth fell out again! Now this is the same tooth that cracked out when I bit into a pitless olive that Malcolm had bought at the Stop & Shop in Dennis. Of course, they blamed it on me because they said I should have been more careful. Of course that they sold it pitless meant nothing. So, here I was with no tooth and a huge hole in the middle of my face! And trust me, this is really not a good look. So, I went to my wonderful dentist and he tried very hard to put my tooth back temporarily which would look OK but it wasn’t for eating and it had to stay strong until I could have a root canal and wait (and pray) for a new permanent tooth.

Now it was Saturday and we had to take Birgit to St. Johnsbury and meet with her daughter who would take her back to Maine. And believe it or not, we did and with no problem at all! Now Malcolm decided to go back to Barre-Montpelier and drop me off at Queen City Nails so I could get my nails beautified and he could do whatever it is he does while I am nailing it! And it seems that everything went well. My tooth didn’t fall out (yet) and my nails looked super. So, I went out into the parking lot and waved to Malcolm and he drove around to pick me up. I hobbled over to the car with my two canes, opened the door and started to get in, when I slipped (at least I think I did) and gracefully fell right out of the car into the parking lot! Now, comes the Judy Reiss part of the story, I couldn’t get up! Malcolm leaped out of the car and came around and tried to help me upÉbut he couldn’t get me up either. So, like a beached whale, I sat there and hoped that someone would run me over and quickly! A kind woman was walking towards the nail salon and she said she would go inside and see if there was someone who could help to get me up. Before I tell you how it went, please think about how embarrassing this is! And if you are humiliated just thinking about it, and you will have some idea how awful I felt. So, right from Queen City Nails came the young man who works there and the lovely woman who had just done my nails. And after some time trying to figure out how to lift me up, they did! Once I got to my feet I was able to wriggle myself into the front seat of the car. That I didn’t die of humiliation just tells you how really strong I must be! And I assure you I will never go anywhere else to get my nails done! Those young people were so kind and helpful that I am sure if they hadn’t come out and helped me, I could still be there looking like the cadaver I probably would have been by then.

Since I have grown old and have back and leg problems I seem to make everything else get worse. Now I know that a front tooth falling out isn’t the end of the world but it is sort of a pain. And it definitely isn’t the look I like to have. I am also sure that sooner or later I will have it fixed. Will I ever shop at the Stop and Shop? Don’t be ridiculous. Do you have any idea how much this tooth will cost me? It is not like you can go to the shop and pick up a fake tooth!

So in a mere 5 or 6 days I have had to go around with a snaggle tooth and embarrassed myself beyond anything that I ever imagined! But on the good side, I was so deep into the tooth and falling incidents that I actually forgot about my back! Now I don’t really recommend either of these things just to forget about my other pains, but it did work for a while. And guess what? I haven’t had any leg cramps either!

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