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Reiss's Pieces
I always like to think that I have enough experience and age to be able to give sage advice ...to almost anyone! And a few weeks ago I was with a friend, having breakfast at a local restaurant. Our waitress was young and very perky and she was trying very hard to be friendly. She approached our table and before she took our orders she said ?Oh, how nice that a mother and daughter are getting together for breakfast.? This may not be an exact quote, because I think that I lost all consciousness and I think that I only came back when my friend jumped in and said, ?Oh, she?s not my mother, she is my friend.?
I know that this young woman wasn?t trying to insult me and I am old enough not to be too offended by her comment. But here is my advice- never, ever assume that what you perceive is correct, is. Especially at tip time! There are many times when making a friendly comment can cause you to lose any and all tips that you might be due. If you see an old man with a young women, especially if she is wearing a lot of bling, she is not his daughter! And regardless of how kind your comment is, calling her his daughter will cause the man?s wallet to slam closed. Pointing out the joys of a mother and son eating together will also be a bust, unless the "son" is under the age of 15. And he is probably not her son if he is very attentive, sitting very close or gazing into her eyes. And actually, it is none of the wait staff?s business anyway. And I say, "good for her!"
Another opportunity to get yourself into trouble by opening your mouth, is commenting on how adorable the grandchildren are of the adult you are addressing. Be it man or woman, this never works well. Especially when after your smiley remark, you are corrected when the subject of your remarks says, "These (or this) is not my grandchild, it is my son (or daughter)!? I know that you think it isn?t your fault, because no one would have guessed that this person could still actually breed at their age. And even if they can, they probably shouldn?t. Now if you are unable to control yourself, it is always appropriate to go the other way. This means to say to anyone over the age of 40, 50 or even 60 who is toting a toddler around, "My goodness, your son (again, or daughter) is adorable.? You might not get any points for honesty, but the joy in the eyes of the adult and their puffed out chest is worth the little white lie. And they can?t wait to correct you by telling you that it is not their son or daughter but an adorable grandchild.
Truthfully, I am of the opinion that the less said the better. There is no way to clean up a comment when it is really wrong. Asking a woman when her baby is due when she is not pregnant can never be corrected. And almost worse is asking a woman when her baby is due and she had it 6 weeks ago! Even if you laugh and say that you were just joking, kiss that acquaintance good-bye because she knows as well as you do that what you were saying is fat, fat, fat water rat! And a smile and a laugh will never, ever make it right.
I don?t know how old you have to be to learn the lesson of keeping your opinion to yourself and a closed mouth will never get you in trouble. I?m never sure what is the appropriate or acceptable thing to say about a really homely baby. I don?t think telling the parents or grandparents that the child is handsome, pretty or wonderful is a good idea. If the baby looks like he or she just crawled out of a swamp, the parents must know that this child is not going to be Beautiful Baby of the Year. But it is still their pride and joy, so you have to say something like "Now, there?s a baby" or even better, ?Oh, my goodness, she is a picture image of you." Or you can always use this safe comment after picking the baby up, "Oh, she or he smells so good." Comments about how fat the child is or how pathetically thin or short are never good. Saying what a bruiser the fat kid is only works you are sure that it is a boy and if you know for sure that Dad played football and is still an obsessed fan.
It is my opinion that if you have to earn your living serving the public, keep your comments to the taste of the food, what you suggest if asked, and the weather. Trying to be overly friendly and obsequious never works. And since the wait person has to rely on tips to live, don?t take a chance with what you consider appropriate opinions or comments.
And if you are the object of a hurtful or stupid comment, don?t try and top what was said to you. You have to remember that most of the time, it wasn?t meant to be hurtful. It is just a remark from a very young and naive person. You also might notice that an older, street-wise and very good wait person is one with a little age of them. They know how to hustle a good tip and do so without insulting anyone. If you are rude, insensitive and a pain in the rump, the professional wait person can and will serve your food and stay above the fray. And what has happened to your food while coming from the kitchen is another issue altogether. But don?t worry, you will never know! So, keep your mouth shut and a smile on your face, it will always be the right thing to do.
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